A Tribute to my Mother-in-law

I wanted to come back with a post that's a bit less controversial and a bit more pleasant to talk about.  Like I said before, I don't want to bring specifics of family into this, so I'll keep it very general. 

It's my mother-in-law's birthday this week, and so I thought a tribute to her would be fitting.  I love my mother-in-law.  She's a bit unconventional, kind, caring, and one of the best cooks I've ever encountered in my life.  She calls every couple of days to check in, ask about the day-to-day, compare what we're making for dinner, etc.  She always makes sure the whole family gets together a couple of times a year, which we did yesterday.  Like all people everywhere, we've had our disagreements, but they never last long and neither of us is the kind of person to hold grudges.  Overall, she's about the best MIL one could ask for.

If you search on Shine, which is my primary source of lifestyle articles to read and respond to, you'll find a plethora of articles pertaining to dealing with mothers-in-law.  Popping 'mother-in-law' into the search engine for the site returned 600,000 hits.  Just on Shine.  And quite frankly, most of those articles will drive me insane.  Are so many mothers-in-law really this obnoxious?  I'm going to use the first that came up: Reader's Digest's '13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won't Tell You,' in an effort to compare and contrast.

1. I spent a couple of decades being the leading lady; now I have a character role. It hurts to be downsized.   I don't think my MIL has ever felt 'downsized,' mostly because she raised some fiercely independent kids.  MrMMO and his brothers are all responsible adults with the capabilities to do most anything for themselves.  They also all recognize the importance of their mother, and show her the love she's due.

2. I know he's your husband now, but he's still my son. Yes, and in most cultures, those are pretty clearly defined roles.  My MIL and I understand that.  I don't interfere with the 'mom' parts and she doesn't interfere with the 'wife' parts.  It works out well that way.

3. You don't seem very confident about yourself. The littlest comment from me is taken as a criticism, so I'm very careful what I say around you.  Not so much, and maybe that's the problem for most people.  My MIL is very direct to me, and I to her. She's also loving, supportive, and praising of my accomplishments.  When I mess up, she tells me, but also helps fix the problem as best she can.  It's called 'constructive criticism.'

4. Every year, I send you a birthday present, but you never even pick up the phone to thank me. This year, I said, "That's it. No more." Yet look at me: I'm about to send another present. I guess that's how I am. I don't think my MIL's ever gotten me a birthday present, but she does call to wish me a happy birthday.  And I always say thank you.  I made her cupcakes for her birthday, and she thanked me at least twice, and again in front of everyone at the dinner table.  Maybe it's just impolite people that are the real problem.

5. We mothers say to our children, "I want you to be happy." And we mean that. What we don't say is, "But I would like to be happy too."  Actually, she has said that.  Again, honesty seems to be a big part of why our relationship works.

6. I've bought and sold 13 houses in my life. Why won't you ask for my advice?  We have, and we will again.  In fact, I ask for her advice pretty frequently and on all kinds of topics, because she's done all of this stuff before.

7. When I visit you, I'm not coming for a white-glove inspection. I'm just coming to see the family.  Don't look at me, your son's the one who cleans the house.  I kid, I kid -- he does do the vacuuming and dusting, but that's not the point.  She doesn't expect my house to be spotless, and I don't expect hers to be either.  There are more important things in life to focus on.

8. When I really want to talk to my son privately, I don't call your house. I call his cell phone.  She calls me on my cell and talks to me privately too.  And when she wants to talk to both of us she calls the house phone.

9. I'm so happy that you allow my son—your husband—to visit me on Mother's Day. It's a long trip and a big expense. I'm truly appreciative.  It's fifteen minutes and 3 gallons of gas round-trip.  And actually, she doesn't really make a big deal out of Mother's Day, she'd rather see everyone all at once on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and/or Easter.  But even so, it's not really extravagantly hard to see her any time we want.  And that's relatively often.

10. My dirty little secret: I'm afraid that if I don't get this right, you'll cut me off.  She would have to do something really, really awful for me to even consider that as an option.  I like my MIL, and I value her input.

11. I'm in competition with your mother. She takes you on vacations every year and buys things I can't afford. All I can do is love you and babysit for you. I hope that's enough and that it's appreciated.  It's not a competition.  You're different people, and have different ways of doing things.  I talk to my MIL in ways I could never talk to my mother, and we have a completely different relationship.  My MIL knows she's appreciated because I try and tell her so as often as I can.

12. Whenever I stay at your house, you always have my room ready, my towels, everything. You do all the right things. I'm lucky to have you!  Ha! I don't even have my own room that put together.  Seriously though, we live so close that staying the night really isn't necessary.  However, she does tell me she appreciates me in other ways.  As I mentioned earlier, she's an amazing cook.  Desserts aren't really her thing though, and always came from a bakery until I (maker of tasty, tasty desserts) joined the family.  In return, she has taught me how to make half a dozen dishes I'd never had before dating MrMMO, and they've become regulars in our house.

13. I cherish the refrigerator magnet you gave me: "Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill."  I've never given my MIL a refrigerator magnet.  She has one my younger brother-in-law (now in his 20s) made in kindergarten, but none from me.  I think 'treachery' is the key word here, though.  She isn't treacherous, and that's part of what makes our relationship break the stereotype.